Computer Genius Blog :: aka “TheGarage”

…makes Jack get the fuck out of my way when he sees me coming. Heh.

I tell you what, I haven’t been doing anything but working, getting ready for work, commuting to work, and winding down from work. That doesn’t leave a lot of time for thinking about anything else. Thanksgiving was a nice break but it didn’t seem like it lasted very long.

For the past two weeks I’ve been knocking out some backlog project work for a pretty good fellow over in Texas City. It’s an on-site gig so the drive is pretty tough. The commute is one hour each way and though the cummulative miles are hard on an aging body, the worse thing about the commute is that it is unpaid. Ten hours per week that are non-productive and non-recuperable. Totally wasted.

If you make your living billing by the hour like me, that’s not a good feeling. If you need extra time to pursue other activities (like your next paying job), that’s not a good feeling. If you need to spend a little more time with your kids so they don’t turn out to be fucked-up units, that’s not a good feeling. If you would like to just read more books or lay on your ass, that’s not a good feeling.

I know, I know… my expenses are supposed to be figured into my rate. I know all that stuff. I’m just saying. Sitting on your ass doing nothing for ten hours a week hoping the cops don’t pull you over and rob you is not a good feeling. Especially when most of the time it is not even necessary.

You know what else? My radio fried about four weeks ago. I’ve been driving back and forth to Texas City for almost three weeks in silence. I thought it would be good meditation time. Pfft. Too much thinking about stuff just pisses a person off because eventually it all boils down to the same conclusion: There ain’t fuck all you can do about any of it.

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In the recent post Beware of Crocks… I ended the bit with “If only we could talk to the crocodiles.”

I had started a new paragraph with that line and somehow got distracted and never finished it. I didn’t notice until after JD left a comment. I left it like it was because I thought it was funny. I wish I would have put “If only we could talk to the crocodiles…” with an elipses instead of a period. Maybe someone would have finished it for me. Sounds like a contest…

But seriously. Think about it. If we could talk to the crocodiles, and that girl could have talked to that crocodile that was going to eat her, would this tragedy have happened? Would that crocodile have mauled and killed that girl if she could have said, “Oh, Mr Crocodile, don’t eat me. I’m too young, and sweet, and delicious to eat!”

And Mr Crocodile says to her in his most sympathetic voice, “I’m sorry, honey, but I am old and starving and can’t hunt so I need to eat you to survive.”

Then the girl could say, “Oh hell, why didn’t you just say so. I got a bunch of spoiled chickens back at the cabin. I was going to have to throw them out anyway, I’ll just go get them for you straightaway. These assholes up here on the bank are my friends. Wanna beer while I get back?”

Mr. Crocodile smiles his big ole crocodile smile, “Ahhh, could you? That’d be great.”

“No problem, Mr. Crock. Then, tomorrow I’ll take you down to the ranger’s station and get you signed up on Medicaid Part B. After that we can see about getting those teeth fixed.”

And what about these damn fire ants? If only we could talk to the ants…

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Tired of wanking for free? It does not have to be that way. Supplement your regular income today. I’m not jerking you around, you could earn up to several hundred dollars a week!

I think I could squeeze out a couple hundred dollars a day. Maybe three hundred on a good day. I wonder if there is a work from home policy? That would really be a stand up deal. Hard to beat, really.

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If you have already laughed too much today, don’t fuck with this.

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This is from a few weeks ago, coming home from the Wal Mart. I couldn’t resist…

(x-posted @ Gulf Coast, Texas)

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The crap you can find on the internet: 10 Movie and TV Duos That Were Probably Gay

Some of these I suspected, but Vincent and Jules! Say it ain’t so!

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At a outdoor Bar-B-Q the other night where adult beverages were being consumed, we were at one point discussing animal breeding. The topic of proper techniques regarding the breeding of siblings and inter-generational offspring came up when the host’s two miniature weenie dogs that came from the same liter got a little feisty on the backyard deck.

As anyone familiar with such a gathering might already suspect, there were widely varying opinion amongst the lay people present. My position being that I am not going to sit out here and argue with you bunch of idiots when every proven technique as well as those that are strictly avoided are probably all very well documented and easily accessible on the internet, which everyone except me could probably access immediately on their ever-present cell phones. (Yes, I am proud to say that I do not own a cell phone!)

Anyway, it was a stupid conversation that should have never taken place. However, it did make me curious about breeding having my dog bred. As I mentioned once before we got an AKC German Shepherd puppy this past Christmas and I would like to breed have her bred at least once. There is still about five months until she is a year old so I have plenty of time to get it all figured out but I still did a little poking around out of surf boredom.

Yes, as I suspected there is a plethora of information out there. Maybe too much information. All I got to say is that no matter how scientifically you want to couch a subject, when it gets right down to it, you are still jaking off a dog.

Now we know why dogs are man’s best friend.

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I LOVE THIS KIND OF STUFF: Red paper clip man a step closer to goal of ttrading up from a red paper clip to a house.

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You got to watch this short video (Linked Fixed!!). I watched it four times. It looks like the chick damn near had the back of her scalped scalped.

Overall, I’d call it damn impressive.

(H/T: Curmudgeonly)

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From a site called Damn Interesting, Lake Peigneur: The Swirling Vortex of Doom

Despite the enormous destruction of property, no human life was lost in this disaster, nor were there any serious injuries. Within two days, what had previously been an eleven-foot-deep freshwater body was replaced with a 1,300-foot-deep saltwater lake. The lake’s biology was changed drastically, and it became home to many species of plants and fish which had not been there previously.

I don’t know if this is a true story or not, but it sure is damn interesting.

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This is some funny stuff. A clip of real-life Simpson’s opening. Ha Ha HA!

I found it over at YouTube. Sites like this are the doom of television as we know it. Like I said in the previous post about the hilarious Outrageous and Contagious Viral Videos show I saw on Bravo, TV will soon be about brining viewers the best of the Web, which I think will be hugely successful if they can only figure out a better way to deliver advertising. Commercial interruptions suck.

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There are only 10 types of people in the world;
those who understand binary and those who don’t.

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From the mailbag, a comparative analysis:

How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned landry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wear! ing long dressing gown

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower and stand on bathmat.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

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A tongue-twister accident:

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat.

 
He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, “Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?”

 
The other guy says, “Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this clerk with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, I’d like  two tickets to Pittsburgh,’ I accidentally said, ‘I’d like two pickets to Tittsburgh.’ So she socked me a good one.”

 
The first guy replied, “Wow!  This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, ‘Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.’ But I accidentally said, “Thanks for ruining my life you evil, self-centered, big-assed, bitch.”

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I dredged this little ditty up from the bowels of a comment I made almost two years ago. I like it

I haven’t worn a watch in almost three years, even when I have to go someplace. There is a clock in every room in my house, on each computer, the stove, the microwave, in the tv screen, and on FoxNews. Every vehicle has a clock.

I mean, there is no where you can go and not be reminded that you are quickly running out of time.

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