Computer Genius Blog :: aka “TheGarage”

I think I have the ‘puter problems sorted out for now. Primarily seems to be related to heat. However I think ultimately there is a memory problem causing the heat problem. I also think the fan on the video card is weak. Keeping an eye on it. Damn computers.

It’s New Year’s Eve. We don’t really have any plans but shrimp gumbo is on the menu. If I am feeling lucky and a little bit brave, we may venture out to a local cut and shoot for some boot scootin and booze. And maybe steal a kiss or two at midnight. Yee haw, doggy!

Are you making any resolutions? I’m not. Never do. New Year’s resolutions are the perennial reminder that you need top stop doing something. Or start doing more of something else. These annual pronouncements are reserved for those big things that we will never get accomplished.

PORCINE, WISCONSIN- According to recent studies, the average New Year’s resolution lasts less than a week. Than means that right about now, you’re reaching back into your secret bag of batter-dipped jelly beans and feeling really bad about it. This was to be your year, the time when you finally got off your compendious ass and did something to get to a healthier weight, but as you wrap your lips around another chocolate-covered pork rind you realize that this was not to be.

A friend said he was going to stop smoking for the new year. I asked him why. “I dont know, I just need to,” is about all the reply I got back.

Well being the harsh realist, I asked him why even bother?

“Huh?” he says. (He is my nephew and is only twenty.)

I know he isn’t going to quit smoking. He knows he isn’t going to quit smoking. So why bother with a ritual that sets you for failure right from the beginning? For success, I dont need failures; I need successes.

So I proposed an alternative. Instead of making a New Year’s Resolution that he will most likely to fail at anyway, how bout set a more realistic goal that can be achieved? I suggested he cut back 50% on his smokes. I think we can all agree that a pack every two days is much better than two packs a day. No?

I explained that after he gets comfortable with his smoke-reduced lifestyle, he might be able to take up running, or playing tennis, or having sex for more than three minutes without getting out of wind. As a result he will be in much better shape to make a new resolution sometime in February or March to cut back another 50%, putting his smoke inhalation at 25% of the original amount. As a matter of fact, why wait till New Years. Start Now!

Take me for example. On normal routine, I smoke two or three cigs a day on average. On many days I may go all day without smoking; often two days. Obviously when I am in social situations where there is smoking and drinking, I tend to smoke and drink. Just to be social, you understand. My habit boils down to a pack every four or five days.

“So, why bother?” many of those who are not in the know always ask.

“You have a big fat ass, why do you bother with dessert?” approximates my usual reply.

Basically, at less than two packs per week, my smoking problem is way less than the health risks run by all these big fat busy bodies who like to run around bitching and complaining about smokers interrupting their double chocolate cheese cake and cafe latte with a double cream… (I was having a Rosana Rosana Dana moment there.)

In other words, I smoke because I enjoy it. I have never been able to completely quit, but I have been able to successfully cut down to a very low level and maintain that for years and years and years.

The best thing about doing it my way is that you dont have to break yet another New Years Resolutiuon–or quit smoking.

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Sorry for the lack of posts. It is not for a lack of effort. I have tried to make several posts since Christmas Eve but have been experiencing some problems with my workstation. Seemingly random Blue Screen of Death type problems.

I have photos of a once in a lifetime occurrence of a White Christmas on the Gulf coast to post once I get the PC all sorted out.

Happy New Year.

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I am probably going to hell for this–but do you know how it is when you kinda just snap?

We live with a Jehovah’s Witness “church” right across from our back yard. A drainage ditch called Brushy Bayou runs between us but we are effectively back door neighbors. The church has seen some growth since we built our house here nine years ago and, unfortunately, a few years ago the operation began to cross over into nuisance territory. This year they have established a permanent settlement in that territory.

Don’t get me wrong. This is not a religious issue. I don’t care about whatever stage people may be experiencing in their search for significance. Everyone is entitled to their personal search for the meaning of life. That concept is what I understand to be freedom of religion. I am not sure how a pyramid scheme peddling Watchtower magazines door to door plays in to the greater scheme of things, but to each his own. Really, I have no clue as to what they do. However, every time we begin to tell our friends about our “situation”, the conversation always degenerates into techniques used to get rid of them when they are on your doorstep.

As a matter of fact, as I write this at this moment at 8:46 am on Monday morning, the wife (who is on holiday for Christmas) just informed me that the first Jehovah has arrived in the parking lot. Probably parked at the furthest spot in the nice lot. I think this guy always arrives a bit early to get the coffee on for the bosses. Definitely the guy is a harbinger.

Here is the problem. Most churches have a hard time getting people to show up. Seems the Jehovah’s have no home. I have lived next to churches on a couple of different occasions throughout my lifetime. Never a problem. Church was mainly a Sunday morning affair. And then a smaller occasion on Wednesday evenings. Wednesdays were never a nuisance because, one, we didn’t have to go and, two, it was a fair trade for no homework on Wednesday nights.

The Jehovah’s on the other hand are seven days a week. From early in the morning to ten, ten-thirty every night. But that isn’t even the problem. The problem is that they come and go all day and evening. Come and go. Come and go. Crying children brought outside regularly. Screaming and crying children brought outside regularly. Small impromptu gatherings around their cars as they arrive and then again for even longer periods before they depart. Sharing the good news, I am sure.

The cherry on it all? They have an alarm on the building. They have an alarm that says rather loudly, “BURGLARY! BURGLARY! YOU HAVE ENTERED A RESTRICTED AREA! PLEASE LEAVE THE AREA IMMEDIATELY… BURGLARY! BURGLARY…”

When does it go off? Regularly. It seems to be on a cheap motion sensor like the old car alarms. It goes off at anytime during the day or night. We can be in the back yard on a Sunday afternoon bar-b-queing looking right at the place and it would go off. Nobody ever shows up to look into things. The alarm blares it’s warning for about ten, fifteen minutes then shuts itself off. Usually it goes off when one of the Jehovah’s show up early and sets it off trying to get in. At least when they set the damn thing off we only have to listen to it for about five minutes. That’s how long it takes the idiot to get someone on the phone who knows the code, I guess. Sometimes it goes off two, three times in a row. I mean, the damn thing isn’t even monitored. It’s useless–except for as an annoyance to their neighbors maybe.

So what did I do, you are probably wondering by now if you are still reading this. Well, I spend a lot of time in my garage and in the back yard. I cook outside, smoke outside, and have some weight equipment on the back patio that I use regularly. Friday afternoon, as the second or third hoard of the day began to arrive across the ditch, I decided to have a little music while working out. Hmm. What shall we listen to?

I know, how bout some Kid Rock. Yeah some Kid Rock will be nice.

I only used my daughters little portable CD spinner this time. I have made idle threats over the last couple of years to pull the big speakers out there and play some Lil Kim. It seems now we are getting to that point. We have begun down that slippery slope of neighborly turf battle. You know you have all played it before. It can get ugly, I know, but enough is enough.

Friday was a shot across the bow. At the very least, I will shut down the loitering problem in the parking lot.

So, does anybody have any good stories on how to get a Jehovah off your doorstoop. Especially if it results in them never coming back.

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